Infantry
every grunt
should print this out and carry it in his wallet.
Take Arms
From the Gospel according to Saint Miles, Ground Pounder
In the
beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and the Infantry.
And God looked upon the Infantry, saw that it was good, and said unto them
"Thou art my chosen children. Take thou dominion over the Earth; over the
fish of the Sea, the birds of the Air, and all of the Key Terrain." And as
a mark of His favor the Lord placed in the hands of the Infantry the sacred
relics: the Apostolic Anti-Armor Weapon, the Catholic Claymore, and the Marian
Machine Gun. Likewise, gaveth the Lord unto the Infantry the Rucksack of
Repentance, the Radio of Redemption, the Rifle of Rectitude. Lastly, unto the
Infantry, and most divine of all, the Lord gaveth the Holy Hand Grenade.
For the
Infantry's sustenance the Lord declared "Four shall be thy food groups:
Coffee, Tobacco, C-Rats, and Alcohol. Shun all other unclean food and
drink."
And the
Infantry dwelt in the land therein.
And time
passed, and the Infantry cried out unto their God saying "Lord, help us,
for we are weary."
And God smiled
upon the Infantry, for they were blessed. Then the Lord took the fattest and
laziest of the Infantry and set them upon beasts of burden. And these He called
Cavalry. And as the Cavalry became fatter, lazier and heavier still they were
known as Armor, or DAT's for short. And the Lord looked down upon the Armor and
saw that it was mediocre.
The Lord then
said "Oh, well. Thou canst not win them all. Let them lead in case of
landmines." To the DAT's the Lord said "Quiche shall be thy food, and
bottled water thy drink. Touch not the sacred chow of the Infantry."
And the
Infantry and the Armor dwelt in the land therein.
And time passed,
and the Infantry cried out again unto their Lord saying, "Lord help us,
for we are weary."
And God smiled
again upon the Infantry, for they were his chosen.
Then God took
those of the Armor with butts like baseplates and breath like sulfur and tiny,
tiny pee-pees and these He made Artillery. But God saw that the Artillery, too,
was mediocre and said unto Himself "Oh well, garbage in; garbage
out."
Unto the
Artillery He said "The big guns shall atone in part for thy diminutive
other stature. Tryst thou not to hurt thyself."
To the
Infantry the Lord said "When the night is darkest these shall light the
way...more or less. When the approach is most open these shall, occasionally -
with luck, confound the enemy's sight. When thou callest for fire support these
shall - eventually - provide it with high explosive, cluster munitions and,
best of all, nukes." Though the Lord cautioned the Infantry to never,
never, never trust Tacfire or any other electronic computer in the hands of the
Artillery. And the Infantry, the Armor, and the Artillery dwelt in the land
therein. Then the Artillery created the Air Defense Artillery; but quickly
asked forgiveness.
And time passed,
and the Infantry called out yet again unto their God, saying "Lord help
us, for we are weary."
Again, the
Lord looked with favor upon the Infantry. He took those of the Armor, Artillery
and Air Defense Artillery who most liked to play in the mud and these he made
Combat Engineers, and those who dwelt in darkness and spoke in riddles and
these he made Military Intelligence, and those with thieving hearts and these
He made Quartermasters, and of those who neither sowed nor reaped and were most
fond of hammering square pegs into round holes He made Adjutants General. Of
those who liked to tinker with good equipment until it broke He made the
Ordnance Corps. Of those whose penchant was poison He made Cooks. Of those who
ran around in circles He made the Transportation Corps. Of the least articulate
He made Signalers. Of the mindlessly doctrinaire and arrogant He - reluctantly
- created Military Police and Inspectors General (though the Lord admitted, to
Himself, that He was probably only providing employment opportunities to
Satan's minions). Of! those who dealt in controlled substances He made the Medics
and of those whose minds had been destroyed by the same made He the Chemical
Corps. Yea, the Lord of All filled up the MTOE.
And the
Infantry, and the others, dwelt in the land therein.
Time passed,
but yet, again, the Infantry cried out unto their God, saying "Lord, help
us, for we are weary.”
And the
Heavens darkened, and the clouds gathered. The lightning spoke, and the
Infantry abased themselves before their God, for they were sore afraid.
And the Lord
spoke with anger, asking "How canst thou yet be weary? Have I not made the
Armor and the Artillery to support thee? Have I not made of the detritus of the
earth Quartermasters and Adjutants and Signalers and Transporters and a host of
others to assist thee? Verily, have I not even made Military Intelligence,
although it was a contradiction in terms?"
Humbly the
Infantry abased themselves again before their God, crying "Lord, it is of
these that we are weary."
Amen, Amen
J. Pinto
Saber Charlie 20